"i have nothing to say, and i am saying it" - john cage. listen to this and try not to have a good rest of your day, i dare you.

ok i'm doing it

sunday evening. i'm about to bike over to fort greene to have dinner with my best lady and share a bottle of wine. it's a ritual we've started up because we never see each other during the week, and there's always lots to share.

i had a beautiful weekend. if you haven't' heard, the hose closed. it's the bar i used to go-go at, and there for i had nothing to do. so johnny, jeff and i held court at mr. black with ernie (who was hosting, and took excellent care of us). when then managed to get out in time and made it downtown to bana, which is a big gay pool party. ran into this cute boy that i'm sorta suddenly obsessed with. narcissisterj performed and was pretty great. i got laid (shh, don't tell), and we had 5am drunk mcdonalds.

saturday was the opening of cold water, which is a bunch of performance people making visual art as a part of performa. justin bond curated it and there were pieces by tilda swinton and rufus wainwright. super fun. cute crowd, and who would be there but the same cute boy from bana! again. does running into someone at fabulous events suffice as a reason to have a crush on them? he was also at click and drag a few weeks ago and i think that if a cute boy keeps showing up at super fun parties, that means he's probably super fun. and we have similar taste. totally logical.

moods are like moons. moons and moods have an alarming amount to do with each other. this is a coded statement, indicating that i've been a total sullen bitch the past week or so. i have no real good reason. not even a pretty good reason. it just happens sometimes.

but i think this might be good, i think it might be great. i think i'm getting fed up. or at least, i think i'm getting lonely. i'm getting bored being the other woman, i'm getting sick of you liking him better, or not liking me at all. turns out, this cold hearted bitch has feelings, and they get hurt sometimes. i have no idea what to do with this information, or how to move it forward. but at least it's there.

did you read this piece in new york magazine? it kinda destroyed me. this virus... i swear, i spend WAY too much time thinking about it. part of this is because i'm doing a rather intense project on bugchasers and barebackers for school, so i'm in it all the time, but part of it is just my own sadness and obsession. i find this disease to be a metaphor for the very sad reality that everything is not going to be ok. politics, disease, stupid people, hateful people. it's all true and pretending it isn't will not help you.

lighter note, i buzzed over to exterface for the first time in a while and paged through a bunch of their stories... fun stuff... i still don't know how i feel about their obsessive use of filters and softeners and all that, but it's hot stuff none the less. i picked this one to post... for obvious reasons.

i find this new video from groove armada to be totally inspiring on a lot of different levels. but mostly, (say it with me now) that SCREEN. visuals baby. performance design and video magic. i wanna make it. also, the song is just so fucking fantastic.

we march on.

boats against waves and all that. after a brief period of feeling a bit underwhlemed by school, things have clicked back into place for the most part. i feel motivated by the projects i'm working on, and i feel excited for what i'll be taking next semester. it's scary though. my advisor said that when you finally figure out what you want to do, it's like falling off a cliff. i totally agree.

boys and sex and bodies are weird, that's all i wanna say about that. oh also, i am weird about boys and bodies and sex.

moving on.

my room mate and i are throwing what we hope will be rather big ass halloween party this saturday. he's going to be a unicorn. i'm gonna be a devil. i love throwing parties but there is always this moment when you wonder if anyone will actually show up. i think they will, but you still wonder.

finally, there's this boy who has ended up in my bed three weeks in a row. that's like, alarmingly consistent for me. it probably has something to do with me pretty much just seeing him as a friend, and the morning sex is pretty good. but still. also, he's famous now so that's kinda bizarre. i'm not used to having boys from magazine covers between my sheets.

i've been saying for a while that i think the new peaches album is really really good. she's released a bunch of videos from it, i think heard somewhere that she's going to do one for every song but that could be totally false. anyway, this song is sort of the synth-pop center piece of the album. i think it embodies her experimenting with smoother, prettier sounds while still being very much 'peaches.' i always like it when people change, try new things, whether or not they're successful. i happen to think this one is. the video is a little filter happy for me (you need more than filters to make a video) but they're self-concious and dated enough that it works.

also, i'm working on a new format for this blog,which will hopefully happen soon. i think, because of sizing issues, i wont' be importing all the old posts into the new format, it'll just mess the whole thing up. i'll create some sort of archive link though, mostly for myself. anyway, don't be shocked if one day you show up here and things look a bit different. that is if anyone's still showing up here. i've been a less that ambitious blogger lately, so busy with other things that it's hard to keep going. but worry not.

also, can we all just grow a couple and man up? high school was SO many years ago now. like, SO many. man up. seriously.

roisin murphy singing live for the victor and rolf show in paris. stellar! part two is here.

today it's raining, and i'm doing homework. sorta. my homework involves doing lots of searches on manhunt and getting data about hiv/safer sex and representation. it's homework that's prone to distractions.
had a lovely time out at the hose last night, got wasted. jeff and randy and i got ready and had a little preparty, then arrived in style to a lovely gang of nightlife cuties. saw max et all, had a great time but didn't make tons of money... it's fine, the money's only part of the point. my lovely lesbians showed up around 3:15, drunk and dancing and looking beautiful. they tore up the dance floor for about 15 minutes then skedaddled. i love it. jeff and i grabbed a cab, smoking cigs and singing gaga all the way home, where i proceeded to eat left over mac and cheese while jeff continued to smoke and run around with ribbons so the cats would chase him. i think we're gonna get along JUST fine.
also: if you don't have the kid cudi record, you need to get it.